Frustration, Frustration, and Frustration.

I feel frustration in areas of my life...my wife and I's sex life is nearly non-existent, her health issues and general lack of desire have driven us to this spot.  It feels bad to me that I think about sex, and then feel guilty enough that I don't pursue it.  We're both busy people, have older children with acute awareness of what Mom and Dad are doing, so that doesn't help either.  It seems easy to say "oh, just shut and lock the door...parents need private time", yet doing it knowing that your 18 year old son could walk by the door and know what's going on is a bit disconcerting.

I feel work frustration around the feeling of being powerless.  I have control over parts of my work domain, however, when the company proclaims to want something, yet when you offer it up, nobody takes advantage of it...frustration sets in.  Especially considering that the people who are the most in need of the skill are those that won't show up to get it.  And I cannot require anyone to show up at a meeting, we need the support of their higher-ups, and it's not happening.

I feel frustration around my lack of man-time.  I'm doing some work after hours that takes me away from home (but not overnight) and my desire for some blow and go road strange is going unfulfilled as well.  Too many are willing to talk the talk, and then when the rubber hits the road, they flake out.  A 4 day long Grindr conversation suddenly goes silent as the date and time approaches.  I figure I'm being a bit anal regarding wanting to talk for a while and set up a rendezvous, but I'm also trying to do something that I figure will benefit both of us.  I guess not.

But I continue the self-flagellation of the chase, and hope that one day soon I'll find my friend-with-benefits prince (and/or princess) charming, who will open their home, mouth, and legs for us to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity of a bi guy down for anything.

(Oh, and I've got high blood pressure now, so I'm on restricted food.  Maybe that's why I'm cranky)