Phones, Privacy, and Proximity

I've been scolded for a lack of blog posts, it is the busiest time of year around the office, so hopefully you all can cut me some slack. 

There are pros and cons to carrying smartphones.  Of course, the list of pros could go on forever.  But the cons, well, they can be heavy.  We were in the car on the way home and we had a conversation where the key piece of information was in my phone.  Someone had texted me a schedule and we needed to know the date.  I made the mistake of pulling off the side of the road to check it...rather than just unlock and hand the phone over. 

I knew it felt awkward at the time, and later that evening, we had to have "a talk".  How she doesn't feel she trusts me because of that, and how it made her feel that I didn't just hand it over.  I'm more guarded of my phone than she is, letting the kids, and everyone just use it as they wish.  I've never been comfortable with that, and of course, i do have some things that shouldn't be seen hidden away in there.  I don't keep pictures in it, but there's a couple apps that wouldn't be good to be stumbled upon.  (Google Drive, you lifesaver!)

I'm sure it would have been just fine, but I just don't like people looking at stuff on my phone, makes me very uncomfortable.  I don't ask to look at yours, so...

Funny thing, when we have any issues along these lines, we tend to get very hot and heavy in the sex department.  It somehow brings us together more, rebuilding trust and comfort, I guess.  Not complaining, just observing.  We all have reasons we don't get with our partners as much as we should...fatigue, illness, attitude...and we don't take advantage of having our lover next to us as much as we should.  I need to be more cognizant of that, I do enjoy our sex life, and we need to take more advantage of it, especially as our kids are starting to be away from home more.

I'm getting better about feeling confident about myself, a little Grindr lurking will knock you down a few pegs if you let it.  A younger guy wanted to see more pics, i sent a couple, and then he spent 10 minutes quizzing me about how old the pics were, if I still looked the same, had I changed in any way.  Basically asking if I'd gotten fatter than the pics.  They were from a year and a half ago, i suppose, so not much had changed.  I finally just told him I could see he had reservations, and that I was no longer 25 years old, and bodies don't stay firm and toned like they used to.  Of course, that ended the conversation, and I'm sure I was blocked.

I did finally meet the guy from the next town over in person, and as many times like that go, I was disappointed.  I felt misled by some things, and while he wanted to do a little more, I wasn't comfortable, and we parted ways.  It's never easy, but I've evolved a bit from feeling like I was lucky to attract anyone to thinking there were many more chances out there.  A bit of growth, I guess!

I have a trip coming up in October, so I do have that to look forward to...to new adventures!

Let me know how you're doing, I miss talking to you guys.

Busy, Busier, and Masturbation

Continuing to be a busy time around the ranch, with catching up on lawn care from my time away, to preparing for some big stuff coming up at work, I've not had much of a chance to catch my breath, let alone really let down and relax.  But that will come, I hope.

The Mrs. really wants us to find some time away alone, and I think it would be a good thing.  We have always put the kids first, and included them in everything we are doing, always.  The last time we were away in a hotel room together?  Probably 10 years ago, and of course, while we were gone our oldest had some issues with a friend's mom, so we ended up coming back early.  I hope we can find some alone time, I really do like hanging out with her, we just never get a chance.

Until then, many work commitments, family things, and other activities that will keep us busy at least for the next month or so... Is it the times?  I don't recall my parents having this kind of schedule.  I also know that we are a lot more involved in our kids lives than most families were back in my day.  I played golf in high school, and never once was anyone there to watch, cheer, or even be there for support.  Now, it seems every event has at least one set of parents for each kid.  It's a good thing, for the most part, but sometimes we don't even allow our kids to make their own mistakes, or jump in too quick to help save them.  Nothing wrong with them squirming about something they might have done to learn that lesson.

I did meet up for a short visit with the "somewhat local", nice enough guy, but there was no physical attraction from my side.  We did jack off together, but that was it.  Haven't heard from him since, maybe that was the same on his end.  Although he was staring my junk down pretty hard.

And so it goes, the small town search for fun, and the difficulty there.  Makes a guy want to pick up and move to a big town.  Or at least visit there once in a while..

I will have some free time this weekend, so I should beat the bushes a bit to see if I can drum up a little fun.  Sometimes it happens at those unexpected times.

Irritants, Individuality, and Flip Flops

I'm Back!

Nice as it is being away from the routine and drudgery of the daily grind, when you've been mostly away from it for 5 weeks, it's good to get feet back on solid ground and start back with the familiar.  August is a busy time around the office, and there's plenty of work to be done in preparation.  So that's where I am now...settling in for the mad rush.

I miss the familiar when I'm gone.  The way my bed can lift my head up just that little bit.  Knowing where the supplies are when I run out of soap or shaving cream.  My chair.  Being able to sit around with just my underwear on and not worry about someone walking in.  And a thousand things more.  The comfort of the familiar is really what I miss when I'm away from home.  Which doesn't make me unique, I'm sure.

But I also enjoy my time away.  As a very intelligent blogger put it, sometimes it's nice to not have to answer to anyone, and roam around Target for as much or as little as I want.  You may be thinking...you are staying in a relationship and a marriage, and that's the cost of admission.  And you would mostly be right.  However, I'm also a believer that I am still an individual, as well as part of a couple.  At my wedding, during the unity candle, we left our individual candles burning to signify that while we were united as one on the big candle, we also maintained our identities as individuals.  In theory, but not so much in practice, it appears.

Whenever we spend 2 weeks together, there are irritations.  Small pebbles in the flip flop of life. (Can you tell I haven't worn regular shoes for a couple weeks?)  A couple steps is ok, and they usually slide out or I shake them off and move on.  But occasionally, it doesn't go away.  Each step is a reminder of the irritant, and it keeps going until I come to a full stop and take the shoe off and bang the rock out.

Where I'm going with my strange analogy is the irritation that can happen between two people with no space.  I get along with the wife 97% of the time.  But occasionally, when I feel put upon, or taken advantage of, I make it known that I'm irritated.  Followed by a lecture about my behavior, and me going off and pouting about it for a while.  Immature?  Maybe.  But it seems to take care of it.

I can't be perfect.  I can't think that every time she wants a Popsicle, that it should be my responsibility to go get it.  Or that because she doesn't like to talk on the phone, that I have to make every phone call, and I enjoy it. Frustrations are a part of life, and just getting it out helps me, but causes hard feelings when she witnesses it.  So I watch as much as I can and try to keep it under control.

So to circle back...time away from each other recharges my batteries.  And lets me be me without having to be perfect.  That's why I enjoy it.

I was hoping to have a story for you all, but all my leads dried up when I was away from the group for a day.  And the one hookup I've been working on from the next town over is out of state this week, bad timing since I will be home alone one night.  Never know, something could pop up!

Until next time...hugs and kisses.

Zip, Zero, and Nada

Quick note as I'm away from my routine, spending some much needed time with the family and not with the officemates.

Wish I had a cool story to tell, but a few missed connections, and I'm without any new adventures for a while.

Hope you all are doing well, lovely readers, and I shall be back soon to share more thoughts!

Anxiety, Extroversion, and Local Play

Heading north.

We will be away for a couple weeks, doing some work on the family business.  I hope to view and post periodically, but have limited access to the web (how many 78 year old widows have internet?  More than you'd think, i bet...)

I used to have a little more free time during this excursion, but times have changed, and responsibilities have grown.  Not sure how I got to be in charge of so many things.  I guess I want to see things succeed.  I do a lot of work for our hometown movie theater, with little to no compensation.  I jump in and help with committees.  I announce the occasional high school ball game.  It feels good to be active, to participate.  And honestly, when I'm home with nothing to do for a while (a short while is great...) I get a little stir crazy and want to do something.  Go to a ball game, catch a movie, hit the links... 

And there's a catch.  My wife is very introverted, and has some anxiety issues.  So while she would rather be in our house with our kids almost all the time, I would rather be out doing stuff.  So there's a bit of conflict at times when she feels like I'm always gone, and she's alone all the time.  It's a strange dynamic, she doesn't want to go out and do things, but doesn't want to be home alone.  I do worry about our empty nest years, when her desire to keep me home with conflict with my desire to be active. 

She also doesn't want a big group of friends, but her phone is constantly going off with text messages.  I rarely get a text except from our family.  My "friend group" consists of my coworkers (mostly women, and have their own friends), and husbands of my wife's friends.  I miss having some friends to do things with.

I wonder if some of my hangups with guys goes back to the bi thing.  Although I seem to get along with guys, it's taking that next step.  I have a bit of anxiety about such things as well, i think, putting myself out there is hard...

I think I'm an extroverted introvert.  That's a thing, right?

On the play front, I'm trying hard to connect with a local from the next town over, but our schedules haven't meshed yet.  And he has some connections to some additional playmates, i believe.  So it's a relationship worth cultivating. :)  Maybe even getting his wife involved?!?!? That's a new one there.

And how's your day?

Trips, Time Off, and Weight Journeys

I'm back, for now.  The business travel led directly into a vacation, and a holiday weekend.  And I have work this week, then a couple more off.  So it's strange, I've always felt guilty being away from work, and while there is a little of that, for the most part I'm enjoying it.  So maybe I'm turning over a new leaf in my old age!

I did have a recently found connection asking me when I'd be back, wanting to hook up.  So that's a positive, right? :)  Somebody awaiting my return!  It's only a moderate stretch of the truth, since my family does like having me around.  So much so that I can't drive the half hour home from work without a phone call asking where I am, how long I will be.  I realize that it's her insecurities that can't just let me drive in a car without checking in on me, but it does get a little tedious.  A typical 3 hour drive has at least 4 or 5 phone calls wondering where I am, how soon I'll get there...

We also had a stressful drive back home with car troubles, but we all handled it better than I suspected.  It's difficult to sit on the side of an interstate for an hour and a half waiting for assistance, so the fact that nobody freaked out or started getting upset was a win!  And it ends up that our car trouble also made us aware of another situation with our daughter's car, so it's good to get them all fixed up and running well.  Expensive, but good.

I did get a good look at myself in a few pictures from vacation, so the diet has started today.  She is more into having plans and structure, where I just want to cut back and eat better.  So, of course, we have planned meals, planned exercise, and an online diary to be sure we're doing it right.  Day 2, and I realize how much diet pop and sugar I was eating.  I'm crashing a bit from the lack of simple sugar and caffeine.  But that should pass quickly.  And I dropped 3 pounds on day one.  I need to get in a better place with my body (above the waist...my lower half is good as always. :)

I don't have a recent story to tell, maybe I can figure something out this week?  I know you're all waiting for my graphic descriptions.  How about you?  Any recent fun to brag about?

Hotness, Ass, and Insecurities

Every once in a while, you catch a break.  Or you think you did, and then in retrospect, your insecurities jump up and slap you.

In my hotel room, had been messaging with a guy about my impending trip.  The pics looked good, and he seemed genuinely interested.  About 9 in the evening, with a thunderstorm approaching, he makes his way over to the hotel.  That's commitment, there...

He comes in the room, and, oh, lordy...6 foot 4, broad shouldered, nice mop of black hair, handsome with a nice set of teeth (details are a funny thing, aren't they?).  He had barely gotten in the room, gave a quick hi, and he was undressing.  Little did I know that was the last talk I'd hear from him until he was walking out the door...

Tanned body, shaved all over, i could go on and on about what a physical specimen this guy was.  Things started out well, we made out - love that - ran hands all over each other.  We made it to the bed, he laid back and I climbed on top, again, making out, licking his neck, ears, nipples, moving back up, and down, he even tasted good!

He enjoyed playing with my nipples.  I do enjoy that, so was glad to have some action.  Gave him some head, sucked those smooth balls, up, down and all around.  He seemed to enjoy my fingers, so I found myself rimming him.  I don't do that often, but damned if the guy didn't taste so good!  I finally got some moans out of him, so i dug in for the long haul.  I tongued that hole...and licked...and sucked...he enjoyed it, and I did too.  I rubbed my cock head all around it, but with no protection, didn't push in.  Restraint, right?

I worked a finger in, and went back to his cock.  Felt it get bitter and bigger in my mouth, a little bucking of the hips, and a nudge of his prostate, and he was blowing in my mouth.  Not a huge load, but enough that I could handle it.

He exited to the bathroom and cleaned up, came back in the room and said "You wanna get off?". I declined, one in hopes that i could find another playmate later, and also because it felt obvious that he wasn't usually a giver.  Which leads me to the insecurities...

Why can't I just let myself enjoy this?  A hot guy shows up in my room, we make out, lick, suck, and enjoy, and I still think "why didn't he go down on me?  Was I unattractive to him?  Just good enough to blow him but not good enough for him?  Why didn't he talk?"  I told him how hot he was...nothing in return.  He barely spoke. 

So I just need to let that go.  I had a hot time, and if he knocked on the door again, I'd lay him back and do it all over again.  So, I need to stop being a baby, and just enjoy what life brings!

Do your insecurities get the best of you???