Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Frustration, Frustration, and Frustration.

I feel frustration in areas of my life...my wife and I's sex life is nearly non-existent, her health issues and general lack of desire have driven us to this spot.  It feels bad to me that I think about sex, and then feel guilty enough that I don't pursue it.  We're both busy people, have older children with acute awareness of what Mom and Dad are doing, so that doesn't help either.  It seems easy to say "oh, just shut and lock the door...parents need private time", yet doing it knowing that your 18 year old son could walk by the door and know what's going on is a bit disconcerting.

I feel work frustration around the feeling of being powerless.  I have control over parts of my work domain, however, when the company proclaims to want something, yet when you offer it up, nobody takes advantage of it...frustration sets in.  Especially considering that the people who are the most in need of the skill are those that won't show up to get it.  And I cannot require anyone to show up at a meeting, we need the support of their higher-ups, and it's not happening.

I feel frustration around my lack of man-time.  I'm doing some work after hours that takes me away from home (but not overnight) and my desire for some blow and go road strange is going unfulfilled as well.  Too many are willing to talk the talk, and then when the rubber hits the road, they flake out.  A 4 day long Grindr conversation suddenly goes silent as the date and time approaches.  I figure I'm being a bit anal regarding wanting to talk for a while and set up a rendezvous, but I'm also trying to do something that I figure will benefit both of us.  I guess not.

But I continue the self-flagellation of the chase, and hope that one day soon I'll find my friend-with-benefits prince (and/or princess) charming, who will open their home, mouth, and legs for us to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity of a bi guy down for anything.

(Oh, and I've got high blood pressure now, so I'm on restricted food.  Maybe that's why I'm cranky)

Monday, November 14, 2016

Ugh

Being sick fucking sucks.  Cold that settles in my chest, sinuses draining down my throat...haven't felt this shitty in a long time.  Anyone have some menthol cum to help me out?

Friday, November 4, 2016

Travel, Trysts, and a Threesome

Schedules get busy, and sometimes taking the time to write things down takes a back seat to other responsibilities.  Getting past the busiest time at work, settling in as the wife gets back into the swing of her job after some time off, and pausing just a bit before my own schedule ramps up again with evening activities, it's time to reflect.

I traveled this fall to Pittsburgh, a fine city that I'd never been to before.  As is my usual progression, I began to scout out the local talent about a month before.  And as is the usual progression, there was a lot of fun banter with the promise of "when you get to town...", and then when the arrival happens, there is no response.  Sometimes I don't know why I try, since I'm always just frustrated with matching up conversationally and (supposedly) physically with a potential playmate with it only to fizzle once I actually arrive.

So, same thing this time, and I resorted to a combination of Grindr and Adam4Adam to try to line up some fun.  I had early success with a nice looking businessman, solidly built with a nice cock.  Was good to get naked with a guy and feel those strong arms around me, that hungry mouth on mine, the firmness of his shoulders and arms as we were furiously making out.  And getting a cock in my mouth for the first time in months, I had a great start to my morning and my trip.

After that, however, it was one frustration after another.  The guy who led me on, disappeared for a while, then said he couldn't meet because the fire alarm went off and he couldn't get into his apartment.  The couple who always was close, but then found an excuse to pull them away just as we were making plans.  The young stud who led me on, then said he could only meet if I drove out 10 miles from downtown to his place...difficult without a vehicle.

I did arrange a couple guys to come over on my last night, again, with a tinge of weirdness all around.  The first one to come over was very friendly, and fun to talk to as we watched a baseball game waiting for the other to arrive.  It seemed hours before he was able to get there, but he did finally show up about 10.  The first guy and I were starting to go, and when we would try to involve the second, he would balk, only wanting to watch.  I tried to lick his nipples..."too sensitive".  Sucked on his cock for about 10 seconds, then pushed away, and the underwear went back up.  But as my first buddy prepared to fuck me, it was nice to have another body to caress and brace myself against as I was impaled.  He did a nice job, riding me for quite a while, pounding my ass (which needed it, been so long) until he finally pulled out and blew his load on my back.

I still hadn't gotten much attention on my cock, which is fine, and as number one dressed and left, number two found reasons to stick around.  I thought, oh, he wasn't into number one, and wanted some alone time with me.  Which he did, however, it was strange.  Basically just wanted grind and talk dirty to me about what had happened, then he jacked himself off until he came (or at least he said he did, since nothing came out, but who am I to judge?)  After he took off I went back to Grindr, to see if there was anyone in the hotel that might be willing to play.  Then I hit a small jackpot...a good looking blonde guy, staying in the hotel I was in, just coming back from the bars.  He wanted an anonymous blow and go scene, so I dimmed the lights, he came up and dropped to his knees just inside the door. In just a few minutes, I rewarded him with the thick creamy load I had been holding since the first night I was there.  He was very appreciative, and though I would have loved to get him naked in my bed, it appeared he was just into servicing.  Which worked for me at the time.

I headed home a little happier, but still longing for the time when I could have someone local to drop in and share these experiences with.  Perhaps some day........

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Phones, Privacy, and Proximity

I've been scolded for a lack of blog posts, it is the busiest time of year around the office, so hopefully you all can cut me some slack. 

There are pros and cons to carrying smartphones.  Of course, the list of pros could go on forever.  But the cons, well, they can be heavy.  We were in the car on the way home and we had a conversation where the key piece of information was in my phone.  Someone had texted me a schedule and we needed to know the date.  I made the mistake of pulling off the side of the road to check it...rather than just unlock and hand the phone over. 

I knew it felt awkward at the time, and later that evening, we had to have "a talk".  How she doesn't feel she trusts me because of that, and how it made her feel that I didn't just hand it over.  I'm more guarded of my phone than she is, letting the kids, and everyone just use it as they wish.  I've never been comfortable with that, and of course, i do have some things that shouldn't be seen hidden away in there.  I don't keep pictures in it, but there's a couple apps that wouldn't be good to be stumbled upon.  (Google Drive, you lifesaver!)

I'm sure it would have been just fine, but I just don't like people looking at stuff on my phone, makes me very uncomfortable.  I don't ask to look at yours, so...

Funny thing, when we have any issues along these lines, we tend to get very hot and heavy in the sex department.  It somehow brings us together more, rebuilding trust and comfort, I guess.  Not complaining, just observing.  We all have reasons we don't get with our partners as much as we should...fatigue, illness, attitude...and we don't take advantage of having our lover next to us as much as we should.  I need to be more cognizant of that, I do enjoy our sex life, and we need to take more advantage of it, especially as our kids are starting to be away from home more.

I'm getting better about feeling confident about myself, a little Grindr lurking will knock you down a few pegs if you let it.  A younger guy wanted to see more pics, i sent a couple, and then he spent 10 minutes quizzing me about how old the pics were, if I still looked the same, had I changed in any way.  Basically asking if I'd gotten fatter than the pics.  They were from a year and a half ago, i suppose, so not much had changed.  I finally just told him I could see he had reservations, and that I was no longer 25 years old, and bodies don't stay firm and toned like they used to.  Of course, that ended the conversation, and I'm sure I was blocked.

I did finally meet the guy from the next town over in person, and as many times like that go, I was disappointed.  I felt misled by some things, and while he wanted to do a little more, I wasn't comfortable, and we parted ways.  It's never easy, but I've evolved a bit from feeling like I was lucky to attract anyone to thinking there were many more chances out there.  A bit of growth, I guess!

I have a trip coming up in October, so I do have that to look forward to...to new adventures!

Let me know how you're doing, I miss talking to you guys.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Busy, Busier, and Masturbation

Continuing to be a busy time around the ranch, with catching up on lawn care from my time away, to preparing for some big stuff coming up at work, I've not had much of a chance to catch my breath, let alone really let down and relax.  But that will come, I hope.

The Mrs. really wants us to find some time away alone, and I think it would be a good thing.  We have always put the kids first, and included them in everything we are doing, always.  The last time we were away in a hotel room together?  Probably 10 years ago, and of course, while we were gone our oldest had some issues with a friend's mom, so we ended up coming back early.  I hope we can find some alone time, I really do like hanging out with her, we just never get a chance.

Until then, many work commitments, family things, and other activities that will keep us busy at least for the next month or so... Is it the times?  I don't recall my parents having this kind of schedule.  I also know that we are a lot more involved in our kids lives than most families were back in my day.  I played golf in high school, and never once was anyone there to watch, cheer, or even be there for support.  Now, it seems every event has at least one set of parents for each kid.  It's a good thing, for the most part, but sometimes we don't even allow our kids to make their own mistakes, or jump in too quick to help save them.  Nothing wrong with them squirming about something they might have done to learn that lesson.

I did meet up for a short visit with the "somewhat local", nice enough guy, but there was no physical attraction from my side.  We did jack off together, but that was it.  Haven't heard from him since, maybe that was the same on his end.  Although he was staring my junk down pretty hard.

And so it goes, the small town search for fun, and the difficulty there.  Makes a guy want to pick up and move to a big town.  Or at least visit there once in a while..

I will have some free time this weekend, so I should beat the bushes a bit to see if I can drum up a little fun.  Sometimes it happens at those unexpected times.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Irritants, Individuality, and Flip Flops

I'm Back!

Nice as it is being away from the routine and drudgery of the daily grind, when you've been mostly away from it for 5 weeks, it's good to get feet back on solid ground and start back with the familiar.  August is a busy time around the office, and there's plenty of work to be done in preparation.  So that's where I am now...settling in for the mad rush.

I miss the familiar when I'm gone.  The way my bed can lift my head up just that little bit.  Knowing where the supplies are when I run out of soap or shaving cream.  My chair.  Being able to sit around with just my underwear on and not worry about someone walking in.  And a thousand things more.  The comfort of the familiar is really what I miss when I'm away from home.  Which doesn't make me unique, I'm sure.

But I also enjoy my time away.  As a very intelligent blogger put it, sometimes it's nice to not have to answer to anyone, and roam around Target for as much or as little as I want.  You may be thinking...you are staying in a relationship and a marriage, and that's the cost of admission.  And you would mostly be right.  However, I'm also a believer that I am still an individual, as well as part of a couple.  At my wedding, during the unity candle, we left our individual candles burning to signify that while we were united as one on the big candle, we also maintained our identities as individuals.  In theory, but not so much in practice, it appears.

Whenever we spend 2 weeks together, there are irritations.  Small pebbles in the flip flop of life. (Can you tell I haven't worn regular shoes for a couple weeks?)  A couple steps is ok, and they usually slide out or I shake them off and move on.  But occasionally, it doesn't go away.  Each step is a reminder of the irritant, and it keeps going until I come to a full stop and take the shoe off and bang the rock out.

Where I'm going with my strange analogy is the irritation that can happen between two people with no space.  I get along with the wife 97% of the time.  But occasionally, when I feel put upon, or taken advantage of, I make it known that I'm irritated.  Followed by a lecture about my behavior, and me going off and pouting about it for a while.  Immature?  Maybe.  But it seems to take care of it.

I can't be perfect.  I can't think that every time she wants a Popsicle, that it should be my responsibility to go get it.  Or that because she doesn't like to talk on the phone, that I have to make every phone call, and I enjoy it. Frustrations are a part of life, and just getting it out helps me, but causes hard feelings when she witnesses it.  So I watch as much as I can and try to keep it under control.

So to circle back...time away from each other recharges my batteries.  And lets me be me without having to be perfect.  That's why I enjoy it.

I was hoping to have a story for you all, but all my leads dried up when I was away from the group for a day.  And the one hookup I've been working on from the next town over is out of state this week, bad timing since I will be home alone one night.  Never know, something could pop up!

Until next time...hugs and kisses.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Zip, Zero, and Nada

Quick note as I'm away from my routine, spending some much needed time with the family and not with the officemates.

Wish I had a cool story to tell, but a few missed connections, and I'm without any new adventures for a while.

Hope you all are doing well, lovely readers, and I shall be back soon to share more thoughts!