Technology, Longing, and Funk

Sometimes I just sit and wonder in amazement the way technology has influenced our lives.  How would I have been different if I had access to all this when I was younger?  What decisions would I have made if I had access to online hookup sites and more anonymous ways to explore my sexuality? An interesting hypothetical, but we can't change the past...

I love what it's done for us, though, from medicine to entertainment, information distribution and decision making to interpersonal communication.  It's so ingrained in everything I do now, it's difficult to imagine doing things without it.  When I was my kids age, you could use the credit card on the machine that made the cha-chunk noise, and imprinted it on to paper.  Now you can touch your phone to a receptor and money transfers automatically.  So amazing, incredible, and scary.

It's helpful, of course, in finding potential playmates, and GPS technology lets me know that there's a guy on Grindr within 38 feet of me at this time.  And although I know this, and know him, it does give communication possibilities that don't impede on my private life, and of course, lets him reject me in a very impersonal and efficient way.  (Not many 22 year olds are shopping for old guys like me...but I'm finding some are! :)

I feel very selfish thinking about it, because it brings up the "if I knew then what I know now" scenarios, and my life would likely be vastly different.  The bigger question is...would it be better?  For me, perhaps, living my true self would be very fulfilling in the most personal way, but the relationship I have with my wife, and of course, having my children...I can't think about not having them in my life.  Very bittersweet, the thought of personal fulfillment weighed against what I have in a wonderful set of people I call my own.

Perfect world?  Everything, of course.  Current relationship, expanded to include me having the ability to explore my bisexuality, would be so awesome.  But...not in the cards.  So I trudge on, doing my thing, in secret, and hoping it doesn't blow up in my face.

So I was urged to give the gory details of my Mall of America experience.  I was in MSP with a group, and the Mall was one of our stops.  3 hours of shopping.  Not my bag.  So, out comes the phone, and Grindr finds me several guys that must be wandering around the mall as well.  After a couple of conversations, I find a potential match in a guy that wasn't in the mall, but lived nearby.  Long story short, he came over to the mall with his van, which had no windows behind the seats.  Seems sketchy, I know, but one head overruled the other.

A little conversation on the top floor of the ramp, and I felt comfortable enough to climb inside.  Pretty vacant up there on a weekday, and found a secluded corner to park it in so we could rock it a little.  Good kisser, nice dick, and we swapped some head until he was wanting to be fucked.  Who am I to turn down such an offer?

He came prepared, so he lubed up while I rolled it on.  Hitting him from behind is not my favorite position, but the one called for in this situation.  He liked what he was getting, from the grunts and squeals he was trying to muffle.  After a few minutes, I blasted into the condom, and he nutted onto the floor of the van right after.  A little post-orgasmic kissing and I was needing to head out.  The blast of fresh air that hit me when the door opened woke my senses, and reminded me that the funk of a well fucked ass was lingering in the van.

I guess I was a little more adventurous in my younger days...